Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
