He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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