I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
