I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
