dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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