I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
