oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
