Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
