I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
