Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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