I accidentally burped into my bong.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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