Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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