just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
