have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Enjoy the penises
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
