Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
