Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
