Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
