he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
