You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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