He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.