He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
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look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
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They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.