Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
please don't ironically join a cult
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