just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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