would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
