life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
His nipple licking is glorious
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