I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
