great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
