In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
