do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
