Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My feet surprised me
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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