Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
