I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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