Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.