So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
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I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
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He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!