haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.