he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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