hey, what are you doing tonight?
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
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I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
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i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.