you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
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