someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
