her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
