I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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