that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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