Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
