Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
