you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
