oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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