from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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