i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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