I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
