New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
