Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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