i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
