Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
