a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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