brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
