Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
