I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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