Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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