Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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