I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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