I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
