You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
