she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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