nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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