i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
