You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
