Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
