You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
