If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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