i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
