My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
