So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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